"TO JE POSTALO NOVO NORMALNO" Nakon 13 godina braka razveo se i započeo OTVORENU VEZU UTROJE

Šai Fišman (46) iz Pensilvanije odlučio je da se razvede nakon 13 godina braka, podstaknut pasioniranim gledanjem šou programa koji se bave promocijom poliamorije. U prvi mah on je uspio da nagovori i svoju suprugu Danijelu, ali nakon sedam mjeseci, kada je shvatila da to nije za nju, par je 2014. godine riješio da se razvede. Dvije godine kasnije, Šai je preko onlajn stranice za upoznavanje upoznao Leu (40) i Krisi (41) koje su dijelile njegovu pasiju i sa kojima je danas u otvorenoj vezi.

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🐙 I MESSED THINGS UP AND I HURT HER! About 4 years ago, when Lea and I were about 5 months into our new poly relationship, I started a full on poly partnership with Krissy. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and we all paid a price for that. We didn’t know anything about attachment theory and how practicing polyamory with an “anxious attached” partner was much different than with a “secure attached” partner. Just because Lea came into my prior poly relationship, and just because we had other inclusive and exclusive connections, did not mean that Lea’s nervous system was at all ready for me to take on an equal partner after “nesting with me” as a primary for a few months. Just because the three of us had a few beautiful integrated experiences did not mean that Lea was able to process details about the separate experiences with Krissy or that she was comfortable with lots of exclusive affection in close proximity (I’m extra-amorous btw). All of this “not knowing” was costly and in hindsight, I wish I was better prepared. All the books in the world could not prepare us for the poly school of hard knocks that followed. Luckily, we survived though! We’ve been living together for three years. My ex-wife Danielle also lives with us and we are co-parenting three awesome kids. We have other sweeties in our growing constellation and things are kinda lovely. They are lovely because we’ve gotten good at holding emotions and navigating conflicts with finesse using our “homegrown” communication blueprint that has saved us time and time again. We’ve also discovered trauma healing modalities and those have played a big role too. Which brings me to the point of this post, we are now able to support and guide a couple of new coaching clients. In our coaching programs we dive deeper into the core human needs that drive us to explore open-relating and how those needs then inform the different styles on the non-monogamy spectrum we get to choose from. We cover attachment styles and most importantly, share the communication tools that everyone should be empowered with as they dare to travel this road less traveled.

A post shared by Shai The Poly Guy (@shai_the_poly_guy) on Oct 5, 2020 at 4:07pm PDT

Međutim, na početku nijedna od njih dve nije bila pobornik njegove vizije odnosa utroje.

– Uvijek sam imao pitanja o monogamiji i ostanku u vezi ili braku sa jednom osobom. Tada sam vidio emisije i pročitao nekoliko knjiga. To mi je dalo sasvim novu perspektivu i apetit da naučim više o etičkoj nemonogamiji. Krisi sam upoznao pet mjeseci nakon što sam upoznao Leu – obje na stranicama za upoznavanje. Obje su označile da su monogamne i da poliamorija nije za njih, ali ja nisam dopustio da me to spriječi u povezivanju. Nikad ne znate koliko neko može biti otvoren. Naša dinamika se mijenja. Postoje trenuci kad se fokusiramo jedni na druge i trenuci kad se povučemo, ali postoji i opšta predanost jednih drugima kao porodice – kaže on, a prenosi Indeks.

Šai, Lea i Krisi imaju otvorenu vezu pa povremeno njeguju i veze s drugim partnerima, kako emocionalne, tako i seksualne.

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PART 2/2 🐙 What happens when your current poly gf starts dating your ex poly gf, who left you years ago for someone else to be mono, but recently came back to be poly again, but only with your current gf (for now) so you step back and harness compersion for BOTH because Love is Love and everyone should connect with whoever THEY are most drawn to… #X2Compersion 🐙 ⠀ 🐙 Leveled Up Love PLUS is a one-stop shop for more fulfilling open relationships. * Compassionate community * Intimate events * Romantic connections * Educational workshops * Private coaching Explore more @: www.LeveledUpLove.com Cheers! Shai_The_Poly_Guy ⠀ #leveleduplove #polyamorous #polyamory #polyamorousrelationship #polylife #polyam #ethicalnonmonogamy #nonmonogamy #nonmonogamous #consensualnonmonogamy #openrelationships #openrelationship #openrelating #openlove #loveisloveislove #throuple #polytriad #metamour #anxiousandpoly #attachmentstyles #freelove

A post shared by Shai The Poly Guy (@shai_the_poly_guy) on Jul 28, 2020 at 1:31pm PDT

Lea takođe dijeli Šaievu strast da se zalaže za slobodu odnosa i zajedno su stvorili internet zajednicu. Njihova aktivna Fejsbuk grupa povezuje preko 4.400 znatiželjnika o poliamoriji iz cijelog svijeta.

Ubrzo nakon razvoda od Danijele, Šai je objasnio koncept poliamorije djeci, prijateljima i ostatku porodice i kaže kako su svi to prihvatili. “Jednostavno to je postalo ‘novo normalno'”, naveo je on.

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❤️Me: Lea, you look hawt! 💙Kristina: Yea, let’s do a photo shoot! ❤️Lea: kk ⠀ 🤓 Come hang with us at the Virtual Pleasure Garden! 💙 ⠀ 💴 Now MORE affordable! 👍 ⠀ 🤩 Still an AMAZING event! 😳 ⠀ 🕰 Just 1 day away! 🏃 ⠀ 🐙 http://LeveledUpLove.com/Garden 🐙 ⠀ 🐙 Leveled Up Love PLUS is a one-stop shop for more fulfilling open relationships. * Compassionate community * Intimate events * Romantic connections * Educational workshops * Private coaching Explore more @: www.LeveledUpLove.com Cheers! Shai_The_Poly_Guy ⠀ #leveleduplove #polyamorous #polyamory #polyamorousrelationship #polylife #polyam #ethicalnonmonogamy #nonmonogamy #nonmonogamous #consensualnonmonogamy #openrelationships #openrelationship #openrelating #openlove #loveisloveislove #throuple #polytriad #metamour #anxiousandpoly #attachmentstyles #freelove

A post shared by Shai The Poly Guy (@shai_the_poly_guy) on Jul 10, 2020 at 3:01pm PDT

Kaže kako u javnosti ljudi ponekad zure u njih, ali niko ništa ne govori.

– Mislim da je rasprava o monogamiji protiv poliamorije često previše pojednostavljena s obzirom na to koliko su te ideje složene. Upoređivati ih nije baš korisno. Umjesto toga, više se radi o tome koje strategije pomažu ljudima da zadovolje svoje osnovne ljudske potrebe i pronađu sreću – rekao je na kraju razgovora. Šta vi kažete – da li je ovo postalo “novo normalno”?

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